i am not scared, not anymore

a short motivational prose i wrote to help me get over my fears and remind myself to keep struggling, no matter what the cost.


love me enough to hurt

there’s always the question –
do i excite you?
do i make you feel things you have never felt before?
do i hold you?
do i kiss you?
do i go on coffee dates and movie nights with you?
do i make you ache inside?
do i make you feel broken when i am gone?
do i?
there’s always the question –
do i make you love me enough to hurt you?


hold me

before i wake up

before this numbness is gone

and i can feel again

hold me

so that these memories don’t come back

so that these bruises don’t reappear

like flowers blooming on my hips

the evidence of my nightmare

hold me

so that i am trapped in this dream

this numbness is my safe haven

all i want is to lie here

mid-way to death

before your hands force me to life again.



between the lines 

on every page


between the words

that you said

i lost myself. 


you make me feel

like your fingers are peeling open my mind

turning it inside out

forcing my nails across a chalkboard

leaving white trails

a warning

a taste

of everything that is to come.





they were all so beautiful

in your hair

they reminded me of sunshine

and of green pastures

and i could only watch

as another

flooded it with fire.


your hands
are wrinkled
and tired
and calloused
more so with every touch
almost as if
your youth
was dissolving
into me
like a happy pill
in water
its own existence
while giving away
what little it had.