inktober 02

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hold

hold me

before i wake up

before this numbness is gone

and i can feel again

hold me

so that these memories don’t come back

so that these bruises don’t reappear

like flowers blooming on my hips

the evidence of my nightmare

hold me

so that i am trapped in this dream

this numbness is my safe haven

all i want is to lie here

mid-way to death

before your hands force me to life again.

i’m sorry

i am sorry

i am sorry i said hi

you didn’t want me to

but you did reply

and i said hi

you hated it

i am sorry

open

you make me feel

like your fingers are peeling open my mind

turning it inside out

forcing my nails across a chalkboard

leaving white trails

a warning

a taste

of everything that is to come.

foreshadow 

candles cast yellow shadows
on a dark blue floor
and the misty eyed woman
and her turban
seem to shimmer
in the haze
of greed and longing
almost calling out to me
through you
and i almost reach out
my hands parting
hoping
knowing
this is my last chance
to hold you
to tell you
that i can’t 
feel this anymore.

similarities

i wonder if i am different
i wonder if i am the same
                                               and somehow
                                               i am scared of both.

blame

i don’t blame you

i don’t blame you for screaming

i don’t blame you for hurting

for crying

for feeling

i don’t blame you for anything you do

and yet you blame me

for every step you take

like it is my fault i have bruises from your assaults

like it is my fault that you hate me enough to stay

all i want is to go back to when you were in love with me

so in love that you didn’t speak for weeks

at least i didn’t have to wear long sleeves and bandages.