hold

hold me

before i wake up

before this numbness is gone

and i can feel again

hold me

so that these memories don’t come back

so that these bruises don’t reappear

like flowers blooming on my hips

the evidence of my nightmare

hold me

so that i am trapped in this dream

this numbness is my safe haven

all i want is to lie here

mid-way to death

before your hands force me to life again.

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open

you make me feel

like your fingers are peeling open my mind

turning it inside out

forcing my nails across a chalkboard

leaving white trails

a warning

a taste

of everything that is to come.

blame

i don’t blame you

i don’t blame you for screaming

i don’t blame you for hurting

for crying

for feeling

i don’t blame you for anything you do

and yet you blame me

for every step you take

like it is my fault i have bruises from your assaults

like it is my fault that you hate me enough to stay

all i want is to go back to when you were in love with me

so in love that you didn’t speak for weeks

at least i didn’t have to wear long sleeves and bandages.

Miniature Prose

nothing can hurt more

than seeing your child suffer

watching her cry at 4 am

and knowing there is nothing you can do

watching her rip apart her body

piece by piece

over and over

like that boy who thought he owned her

and she –

she who believed it.

Miniature Prose

burning eyes and tears

don’t seem to stop at my heart

they roll down

like a waterfall

flooding my wrists

and forcing themselves

to come out

as blood.