blame

i don’t blame you

i don’t blame you for screaming

i don’t blame you for hurting

for crying

for feeling

i don’t blame you for anything you do

and yet you blame me

for every step you take

like it is my fault i have bruises from your assaults

like it is my fault that you hate me enough to stay

all i want is to go back to when you were in love with me

so in love that you didn’t speak for weeks

at least i didn’t have to wear long sleeves and bandages.

Miniature Prose

you love means nothing anymore

not to me

not to you

and yet we go on

like a bird with broken wings

trying to reach the sun.

Moods

happy

sad

beautiful

my moods

they sway

they feel

like the sun,

there at times – beaming,

and then gone,

and back again

over

and over

this repeats

faster

faster

faster

and the world

it spins

and the confusion

until i am empty

with all the feelings

and

all i see

is a crumpled up paper piece

and half a broken pencil.

The importance of Earphones

I had quite an interesting experience yesterday.

Before I write about it, there is one thing you need to know about me – I am a music obsessed freak. You will never find me without a pair of earphones.

It was morning, and as usual, I was running late for college. As I ran up the stairs (they connected the platform to the road), I tripped and before I knew it, I had stepped over my earphone and I could hear the hellish snap as it cracked under by feet. It was truly a tragedy. It was morning, I had no time to go get a new pair, and now I had to spend a entire day devoid of my precious music.

College went by in slow moments of agony. The return journey was even more torturous.Sitting in a train by the window and listening to music while feeling the wind and the beautiful scenery is the best part of the day. And now the music was gone.

The minute I reached the station, I rushed to the nearby mobile store and asked for a pair of earphones. Unfortunately, the guy inside told me the owner knew where they were kept and told me to return after 5 PM. Disappointed, but not yet discouraged, I remembered another shop which sold earphones. And thus, I trudged to the other end of the town, spurred on purely by the thought of earphones. Guess what? The shop was closed, and was going to open after an hour. I obviously couldn’t sit there for an hour – I had way to many submissions for the next day.

I returned to the area at 5:30. I tried on at least 10 different pairs of earphones, but not one of them worked on my phone. But I had one more shop to go to and there I went, back to the first mobile store I had visited. To my horror, the owner had not yet returned. Cursing him and whatever had caused him to be late, I decided to cross the station to go to the other, more populated part of the town.

I crossed over and searched for 10 minutes before finally finding a shop that sold earphones. I tried on several more pairs, and then my earphone jack stopped working. I was screaming inside my head. Outside, I was in tears. I couldn’t survive another day without my earphones. I swore to God that I would give up anything to have a pair of earphones, and then would take care of them with my life.

I began the arduous walk back home. I was beyond angry. I was tempted to burn down the entire world.

Eventually, I realized the irritation was pointless. Nothing could bring back my earphones. And that was when I began noticing people and places around me. For the first time, I noticed the rickshawala speaking to his daughter and scolding her for bunking her school. I noticed the old woman haggling with the sabji-wala for a discount. It was new, and while the absence of earphones still stung, the people and experiences around me absorbed most of the shock.

Meanwhile, I persisted and kept trying to fix the jack. After restarting my phone a couple of times, it finally began working. My spirits lifted. I instantly spun around, earning curious glances, and walked all the way back to the shop. I finally  got my earphones.

Exhausted, but happier now, I went back home, with my earphones plugged in and music blasting at full volume.