hold me

before i wake up

before this numbness is gone

and i can feel again

hold me

so that these memories don’t come back

so that these bruises don’t reappear

like flowers blooming on my hips

the evidence of my nightmare

hold me

so that i am trapped in this dream

this numbness is my safe haven

all i want is to lie here

mid-way to death

before your hands force me to life again.




between the lines 

on every page


between the words

that you said

i lost myself. 


you make me feel

like your fingers are peeling open my mind

turning it inside out

forcing my nails across a chalkboard

leaving white trails

a warning

a taste

of everything that is to come.





they were all so beautiful

in your hair

they reminded me of sunshine

and of green pastures

and i could only watch

as another

flooded it with fire.


your hands
are wrinkled
and tired
and calloused
more so with every touch
almost as if
your youth
was dissolving
into me
like a happy pill
in water
its own existence
while giving away
what little it had.

Dirty little secrets

Dirty little secrets

knows the blue butterfly,

The side affair of the lord’s wife with the handsome young gardener

A child’s hideout from the world who rips her apart,

A sweet innocent rose from a secret admirer,

lying on the porch, like an uninvited guest,

faced with wrath and curious questions.

A virgins first touch with pleasure,

Skin on skin,

Pleasure and pain,

both mixing in glorious harmony.

Blue wings, blue body, glittering in morning sun,

the creature floats among the draughts and nothingness,

meaningless without the knowledge he owns,

the little secrets that he knows,

of the apprehension of a little boy’s crush on his older sister,

of a father who is a father no more,

of the girl disowned for eloping with her lover,

of the pain of a mother whose son moves away for studies of higher order.

The blue butterfly flits from flower to flower,

like a rumour unleashing itself upon a city of love and hate.

The secrets of the flowers and and the bees and the sun above,

secrets of the wind,

secrets of the love notes between two star-crossed lovers

floating freely,

unknown, invisible

that is this little blue butterfly,

and the dirty little secrets that he has grown to hold.