i wonder if i am different
i wonder if i am the same
                                               and somehow
                                               i am scared of both.


i don’t blame you

i don’t blame you for screaming

i don’t blame you for hurting

for crying

for feeling

i don’t blame you for anything you do

and yet you blame me

for every step you take

like it is my fault i have bruises from your assaults

like it is my fault that you hate me enough to stay

all i want is to go back to when you were in love with me

so in love that you didn’t speak for weeks

at least i didn’t have to wear long sleeves and bandages.


there is a photograph

on the table

beside the yellow window

and this table is bent

from the middle

bent from the weight

with cracks lining its legs

and fungus rotting its insides

there is a table that stands

besides the yellow window

and the table is so much like me.


we are all castaways
robinson crusoes
in this vast universe
in the darkness of the night
by the one we call God.

amboli ghat


i can feel

         the earth



                                   the stony steps

                                                 and trickling

                                                              waterfalls –

                                                                        a poignant reminder

                                                                        of what is really ours.

illusions of death

let me bleed

through your illusions

my hallucinations

until everything that falls

from my arms

is emptiness

and death.


your fingers

weave through human consciousness

like it is paper




into paper boats

from your childhood

riding through rain water

in a quiet corner of the universe.


my head feels like shattered glass

and you bathe in its blood red tears.

poison ivy

poison ivy

stabs to the heart

as i lay bleeding

with dust pouring

out of my mind.


i want the pain
i want you to hurt me
over and over
and over
until i learn
to hate you.